Life can take us on journeys that we never expected to embark on. For me, that journey involved healing a broken heart and learning to love myself wholeheartedly. It wasn't easy, but it was ultimately one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. Before I began this journey, I wasn't even aware that I didn't love or respect myself. It wasn't until a romantic relationship ended in 2018 that I found myself plummeting into a deep depression. I was lost in a big black hole, unable to find my way out. I had thought that finding a new romantic partner would be easy, but life proved me wrong.
Enter meditation. It became my saving grace, the tool that taught me to sit with my uncomfortable feelings and move through them. I had dabbled in meditation before, as I knew it was good for me as I'd struggled with anxiety since childhood. However, I often made excuses about why I didn't have time. But during my moment of despair, I instinctively knew that I needed to focus on myself. For the best part of 2019, I meditated for two to three hours a day, breaking it down into smaller time periods. Sometimes I used YouTube meditations or the Insight Timer Meditation app, while other times, I simply sat in silence outdoors and listened to the wind and the birds whilst focusing on my breathing. I googled phrases like "meditation for grief" or "meditation for sadness following a relationship breakdown". I welcomed the bucket loads of tears that often came while I meditated, and even sometimes hours later, seemingly out of nowhere. They felt like a cleansing of my soul.
Meditation wasn't solely responsible for my journey to self-love and self-compassion, but it was certainly a huge part of it. Meditation helped me learn how to develop a deeper relationship with myself and to appreciate the unique person that I am. Now, as a marriage celebrant, I use this journey to help others embark on their own path to self-love. From the creation of life-affirming self-marriage ceremonies to sharing my story, I want to help others discover the deep joy and fulfillment that comes from loving oneself and the profound feeling that comes from making promises/marriage vows to love yourself until death you do part.
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